errronee in a relationnshipp yee yee

I used to be a "changer." I would date someone,

thinking I was going to be the person who would help

them see the light and mend whatever ways

I was sure needed mending.

Instead of showing them the way to a great relationship,

I just ended up frustrated.

It turned out that changing someone was very difficult.

There are several reasons you shouldn't try to change someone.

The best choice is to try to deal with an imperfection

you see in your mate or try to ride it out

until they decide to change themselves.

If something serious needs to be changed,

and the person doesn't decide to change on their own,

then you should take off.

Also, don't try to change someone too early in a relationship.

If it's even possible to change someone,

you need to earn that right.

Here are five reasons not to try to change someone:

1. People Hate Being Told They Need to Change

Who likes being nagged or hearing constant suggestions for

change?

Being too vocal about changing someone

will most likely cause that person to rebel.

Just step back and realize that if someone is behaving

or living their lives in a way that annoys you,

it's not going to work out whether you try to change them or not.

2. Your Differences Should Complement Each Other

Because I don't like planning,

and do things by the seat of my pants,

I annoy girls who are more "together" in their thinking.

A girl who is more organized may try to change me.

But if our personalities complement one another,

then my seat-of-the-pants nature makes her laugh

and keeps her loose.

Her organized thinking helps keep me structured.

We may think differently,

but there's really no need to try to change each other.

The differences actually turn into positives.

3. You Look Like You Don't Love Them

If you're trying to change someone,

you are indirectly telling them

that you don't love them the way they are.

You are in love with the person

you are trying to turn them into.

4. It's a Waste of Time

Suppose you spend a year or two

with someone thinking they will change.

Finally, this stress on the relationship explodes

because you've been trying to change them the whole time.

So, the relationship ends,

and you have wasted a year or two in frustration.

Somewhere along the way, you just have to tell yourself that

if the person doesn't change something on their own,

it's not your responsibility (or right) to change them.

Sometimes — not always —

when you do get out of the relationship,

they change on their own and come back

because they didn't want to lose you.

5. They'll Change for You When They're Ready

There are very few people in my life who I will allow to change me:

my close friends and family.

They've earned the right to ask me to change

or to tell me that I am doing something the wrong way.

After I've dated a girl for a long time,

she'll have that right too.

So, if she wants to change anything,

she needs to wait until she's earned the right to suggest change